Conversations With My Mother

A day doesn't go by when my mother doesn't have something to say to me. The following conversation is actual dialogue from this morning:

Mom: How you doing over there? Can you still see me? I'm just making my bed. Don't be upset.

Me: How can I not be upset, I'm not smack dab against your leg. You've got this ridiculous setup of a rocking chair, kitchen chair, baby gate and Barbie castle stopping me from getting to you!

Mom: You okay? You're not peeing on the floor are you? Juno?

Me: No, just licking myself.

Mom: Because I have to get things done. And don't flip out when I start running this vacuum, the dust bunnies are crazy in here!

Me: Dust bunnies? You have bunnies in there? Let me in!

Mom: Alright, I'm almost done. You know, if you'd learn how to hold it, you could be in here right now.

Me: Promises, promises.

--Of course all of this sounded like:

Mom: "Wa-wa-wahh, wah, wah wah."

Me: Woof.